In public I live with pride, a lion in my own jungle. In private and with those I value, I’m soft and fragile. People usually have a hard time understanding me, and I get it, I really do. I like to believe I’m similar to an elephant. Both physically and metaphorically. I am the elephant in the room. People are usually intimidated by me because I’m mostly minding my own business or I look “scary.” Some are generally uncomfortable with elephants because they are very large but when they spend time with them and learn about them, they realize the exterior is not at all representative of their interior. They are kind, gentle and peaceful. I like to think I’m the same way. My walls are so extensively high, initially, but once I feel someone takes the initiative to understand who I am, I gladly let them in.
So I urge you to get to know me because I’m unable to do it myself, even though I want to.
I’m an extremely affectionate and passionate person. It takes me longer to understand and accept things, let go, and move on. I’m anxious with thoughts, I analyze and overthink. I haven’t loved myself the way I deserved and for that reason, I treat love (and people) in a way that is unstable and unkind. I feel too many things in unrealistic magnitudes and the outcome is that I come off as cold, turbulent and closed off.
I’ve learned that when reality serves you with its strongest punch, you take it. Get back up and push a force back so strong that you demand it to reward and respect you for your courage. The point of all of this is for people to take the time to understand those around them. To stop judging and assuming. You don’t know my pain and I don’t know yours but I don’t think humans should be so reserved and locked up.
I wish I could open up to you and be a little nicer but I want you to know that my problem is that I simply don’t know how to. I do believe in sharing, empowering, inspiring and transcending all the unnecessary boundaries each of us builds out of fear of rejection and humiliation. If someone seems angry and closed off, there’s a very big chance that they just need a little push and some encouragement.
Think about that. Here I am laid out on a page and I reassure you, I want you to come forth and get to know me.
