Most of us have put off a task to do later at some point in our life, but a serial procrastinator can often have more serious perfectionist character traits. Like what, you ask? Well, they can put a lot of things off for fear of failure, for fear of being judged or even shamed. The risk of feeling that pain is minimized or avoided by not carrying out the task, opting for always the easier route; avoiding it altogether.
This approach stops a lot of people from achieving their goals, especially professional ones. As a clinical hypnotherapist, a few common cases have come through my door. From not feeling like they have the right skills to set up their business to not knowing how to have the confidence to go for that amazing job and much more. They convince themselves it needs more work and put it off for later. In other words, they need to be “perfect” before they go out there and do whatever it is they need to do, often not getting to where they want to. This is often damaging to self esteem and confidence.
Why do people do this? Fear of failing, as mentioned above. More than that, a perfectionist has an ideal image in their mind as to what they must be/have/achieve. Anything short of this is not acceptable to someone with these traits. This can lead to hurting our own sense of self worth. The reality is that perfectionism does not exist, it is a myth drawn up in our minds. By accepting and opening up about this, you will have a greater connection with others.
Below are some suggestions that can help someone to better manage these traits to move forward:
- Focus on improving yourself rather than worrying about an external opinion/judgement. This takes away from wanting to be “the best” and moves you toward getting better yourself, which is more rewarding and reinforces self-esteem.
- Take action and DO. Set goals in stages that feel more realistic without lowering the standards, so that they feel more achievable. Then acknowledge the progress you make at each stage. Keep the bigger picture in mind. I personally find that if the start of the day gets off to a good start and I tackle a tough obstacle, the rest of the day goes more smoothly.
- Done is better than perfect – adopt the 80% rule – if you manage to get almost all of that list complete or manage to do 80% of the task, that’s fine. Do it swiftly then move on to the next, don’t fixate on getting the last 10-20% “perfect” and waste time.
- Be kind to yourself, the way you are kind to your friends and others. Just think, if your friend made a mistake you would not be harsh on them, so why are you so harsh on yourself. Adopt the same outlook.
- Remember there is no such thing as perfectionism so stop trying to achieve it. Also remember that you will not please everybody and that is also okay. Be kind to everybody, but most importantly to yourself.
