I hate seeing my friends upset and when they are, I try to do everything in my power to counterattack their sadness. My best friend was recently stuck in a sticky situation because she hated her job and was constantly in conflict between staying and being miserable or leaving and losing her salary and position.
I wanted to give her good advice but it was pretty tough because I didn’t understand exactly what it was that she was going through. Here are a few things I advise you NOT to say to a friend who hates their job, wants to quit or has been feeling really down and not being able to find another job.
“Don’t worry it will pass, you’re probably just feeling demotivated.”
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If your friend is miserable at the office, don’t minimize their feelings or brush off their anxieties as temporary. Instead, take the time to listen and understand what they’re going through. When you tell someone that their worries are going to pass and it’s just a “phase”, what they might hear is that you don’t feel like what they’re dealing with is important enough or even worth having a discussion over. Just be supportive and listen!
“OMG I know, it’s happened to me before!”
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Your first thought might be to talk about your own experience and tell a story that might seem relatable to the person you’re speaking to; but honey, this isn’t about you right now, so take a seat. Making the situation revolve around you instead of around them, may come off as selfish and arrogant. If your friend asks you for your personal story then by all means go ahead, if not then it’s probably best you just keep it to yourself.
“If I were you, I would stay for the salary. I mean, what are you going to do without your own money?”
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I understand that money is important but your mental health and well being are much more substantial. Telling your miserable friend to stay at their miserable job just for the benefits is like telling someone to stay in an abusive relationship just so they aren’t labeled as single. Okay, maybe that was a far stretch on my behalf but you get the point, right? It’s up to your friend to decide whether the pros outweigh the cons in their current job and you should probably leave a decision like this completely up to them.
“So how’s the job search going? Did you find anything or hard luck?”
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Assuming your friend has been unhappy with their job for a while, you might find yourself (out of good intention) asking them if they’ve found anything new or if they’re still fishing in murky water. While you could be genuinely concerned about them, it could also strike an aggressive and sensitive nerve on your friend’s behalf. You don’t need to be a destructive little alarm clock in their life. I’m sure if they found something new, they’ll happily tell you.
“I feel like you should just be grateful for the job you have, I mean some people can’t even find a job.”
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Being grateful is great and all but you don’t need to compromise your own happiness in order to feel good about yourself. It doesn’t mean that you should just go ahead and ignore your pain, confusion and frustration. It’s exactly like saying: “Okay I know you’re upset and all but kids in Africa can’t even find food to eat, so you better start being grateful, old bud.” Your role should solely be to listen to their frustrations and worries and encourage them to move forward in anything they want to pursue. Don’t put pressure on them, be mean or make them feel like a failure. You should only support and push them forward.
